Happy Goth Christmas, Samhain, All Hallow’s Eve, and even Halloween

Okay, two posts in one month, that’s not so bad, really.  Maybe get it up to one a week if I really put forth some effort.

So it’s Halloween (or Hallowe’en if you prefer) the night where we all dress up and pretend to be something else, either scary or wish fulfillment or whatever you can find around the house, and send our kids out to procure us some candy (well they get some too), while doing our best to scare the crap out of the little kids that come to our own doors.  Or is that just me? 

I have to say this is the most un-halloweeny halloween in my recent memory.  I have barely done any decorations around the house, the outside of the house has a few of the store bought things but not my usual extravaganza.  Which by the way is an awesome word.  I didn’t even buy pumpkins till last night.  So tonight is all about the kids, at least until they go to bed and lie staring at the ceiling enjoying their sugar highs.  After that I have a party I might attend, that’s a bit up in the air just yet but we’ll see.  Tomorrow I think we might head down to a club and enjoy the local freak scene. 

For the record I love Halloween and have a homemade costume which I think is pretty kick ass, I’ll post pictures of it, assuming any get taken. 

I had a thought a paragraph or so back about why we like dressing up, but it’s gone now and probably wasn’t that interesting anyway.  Oh well. 

In other news, I am participating in my first Nanowrimo ever, although I thought about doing it last year.  For those who don’t know, it’s the annual online contest/support group/insane asylum for all of us undiscovered writers.  The idea is to write a 50,000 word novel in one month.  Nanowrimo stands for National Novel Writing Month.  The word count seems a little high, but it’s really not when you break it down, it’s only 1,667 words per day.  Fuck it, it is insane.  I have prepared my family for the incredible lack of time they will spend with me for the next thirty days, and expect to be a zombie at work most of the time, but I’m going to do it.  In true nanowrimo fashion I have no idea what I’m going to write about, which may be good for me.  I’ve spent way too much time thinking about all things Paradox Magic lately and not nearly enough thinking about new ideas and new characters. 

Speaking of new ideas, Tyrant’s first script is actually in the can and Andy is busy drawing pages in his spare time, so with any luck I should have some stuff to post here for that soon too.  I can’t wait, as I’m sure I’ve said before the first couple of panels he’s done look fantastic.

Okay, I think that’s all for now, I’m sure I’ll be bitching on here in no time about the disaster i’ve made of my nanowrimo, but until then I bid all of you a happy Halloween and a safe evening.

-m

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Thanks for giving and assorted other crap

Hi,

this is going to get done even if I have to force myself to just write for no real reason whatsoever.  For the record my life is so boring right now I have nothing of any true relevance to contribute to any sort of ongoing metaphysical quest for meaning (which is what I usually think I’m doing when I write weird shit here), nor do I have time to do anything even slightly creative so it’s not a workblog of my progress through editing my novel or anything like that.  No, what we have here is mostly just a failure to communicate, and Paul Newman’s dead, so now what?

I’ll give you all an idea of what a typical day in the life of me is like.  I get up at 6:30 am, a time of day I normally have never seen unless I had failed to go to bed the previous night.  I shower and get dressed and leave the house when it is still slightly dark and there is frost covering the ground.  Okay the frost isn’t there all the time but it adds to the effect, doesn’t it?  I drive for about an hour through stop and go rush hour bullshit traffic, a distance of some fifty kilometers.  That means i’m not driving very fast and I’m usually irritable by the time I get to work. 

I have coffee.

I love coffee.  I love that my new job has a coffee maker that costs nothing, no matter how many coffees you have in one day.  I love that there are different flavors of coffee.  I wish it was Tim Hortons, but whatever.

I make a bunch of phone calls.  My job consists of calling people who don’t want to talk to me and convincing them to talk to me, and eventually to buy things from me.  This isn’t easy and people don’t always have warm fuzzy feelings when I call them.  It’s sort of the weirdest job I’ve ever had.  I’m half convinced I could sit there and do nothing and no one would notice a difference.  Anyway, I make my calls.  Sometimes I eat lunch, sometimes I don’t.  After 8 hours of sitting at my desk I get up and drive home, another hour in rush hour bullshit traffic.

Sometimes I have dinner waiting for me, usually I don’t.  I make something for the kid and I to eat for dinner and settle down to watch LOST on Space at 7pm.  I have been up for over twelve hours so far.  Jordan is usually watching tv or doing homework, sometimes both, or having a shower/bath while I watch Lost, otherwise she talks all the way through it. 

Just a word to any other writers out there who might stumble on this blog someday.  Don’t ever buy a TV if you want to be a serious writer.  Don’t get cable, don’t buy a blueray player, forget all that shit.  When you get home from your “real” job, write!  I get home and my brain is half comafied, so I complete the process by watching a couple hours of TV and losing myself in the mindnumbing awfulness that is American Network Television.  I like JJ Abrams though and Smallville, but other than that the rest is all crap.  Don’t bother with any of it, just write.  I should be writing when I’m watching TV, I feel guilty that I’m not, I’m just so burned out after the day that I can’t think of a single interesting new sentence to bother jotting down.  This is what real life is like.  It sucks.  I need to figure out a better plan, but I digress.

Anyway, put Jordan to bed around Nine, maybe read a story, or listen to her tell me a story, then continue my comafication in front of the idiot box.  Sometimes I turn on my computer pretending I’m going to write something interesting, sometimes I don’t bother.  At some point Shanna will likely have come home, though her presence has little to no effect on the events of any given evening, except she might put Jordan to bed instead of me.  Anyway, somewhere between eleven and twelve I go to bed and read until my eyes get fuzzy and then I fall asleep, only to do it all again the next day.

That is my life.  It is ending one second at a time even as I type this, which is a horrible and yet fitting cliche.  Lennon said life is what happens while you’re making other plans.  I’m not even making other plans anymore, i’m too fucking tired.  so what do I have now, really?  Am I living my life, hell, a life?  Is going through the motions of existence enough to justify the existence itself or is something more required?  Have I reverted to the pre-Descartes philosophic outlook that I am therefore I think?  Is thinking even necessary, perhaps the fact that I am here is enough by itself.  Is anything else required of me?  Is there any other way to do this?

Does anyone else think that if only they had the courage to change everything about their world they might be happier, but they would also likely not be themselves anymore?  How much of my personal self-image is based on being miserable in the day in day out echoes of my life?  If I were to wake up one day and find out that this isn’t all there is to life would that change who I am? 

Clearly I’m talking nonsense and you have all stopped paying attention to me.  Rightly so, I’m losing my mind. 

I’ll write more later, probably.

-M
Up past his bedtime somewhere in Canada.