Hello Interweb. How are you? Anything exciting happen since the last time I found a spare moment to wax philosophic on this site? No, not really? A black man was elected President of the United States, that’s pretty cool. An idiot woman failed in her bid to become Vice President, that’s even better. Halloween came and went, of course I wrote about it, so that gives me a timeline. The world economy continued its slow decent into madness, but that started months ago, so all in all I think the world is continuing whether I chronicle my thoughts about it or not. Good to know, sometimes being inconsequential is comforting.
My job is going well, for those of you who are interested. My comic book is also going well, for those of you who care. Andy is drawing as I type this (well, probably not exactly as I type this, although he could be, but you get the point), we should have Issue 1 done by Christmas, I think he told me. Not much else is new, really. I signed up for Nanowrimo and failed miserably, in word count, inspiration, drive and just sheer lack of time. I enjoyed getting the emails from other writers telling all the participants to keep at it though, I have marked them as saved so I can go back and read some advice next time I get really stuck on a book.
The rest of my world is in its usual state of flux, Jordan appears to be doing well in school, though we will know for sure on Wednesday when she gets her report card. Shanna is doing well at work, and has so far failed to get mad enough to quit over some trivial annoyance. That might almost be a record for her. Oh, back to me for a moment, I have unofficially been promoted to trainer for my team, (unofficial because it comes with nothing resembling a pay increase, but I do have the new people sitting and listening to my calls, which is sort of unnerving, and a little empowering at the same time). We have gone from a team of one, before I started, to 5 reps plus a new manager for the team in just over 2 months. I tell you I got in at the right time, we are growing by leaps and bounds.
I realize having typed that, that I have been working for this company for over 2 months, and let me tell you, the time has flashed by like a speeding bullet. It seems like just yesterday I was finishing my first week. November in particular has flown by, I don’t have any idea where all the time has gone. Christmas is just around the corner and as December nears I’m positive it will seem like only yesterday that I was typing this very post as I open gifts Christmas morning. Have you noticed that the older you get the faster time seems to pass? I remember the first term of school taking forever, years, not months, certainly not weeks or days (in Einsteinian relativistic physics, of course). I honestly remember the two months of summer vacation seeming like a lifetime, right up until the Friday before Labor Day long weekend, where I would invariably look back and wonder just what I had wasted my whole summer doing.
Now time slips past me like a rushing tide and I am a rock sticking out of the shallow part of the lake. I can’t control it, I can’t slow it down, all I can do is stand there and let it wear me down with each passing second. I feel old. Is thirty too young to feel old? I realize I have bitched and whined a fair bit here about the passage of time and getting older and resetting priorities and such, and I’d feel bad about that, but no one is making you read this, so what the fuck? I had this thought earlier tonight: remember the movie Fight Club? Edward Norton and Brad Pitt, male bonding and Mrs. Tim Burton (or Helena Bonham Carter, if you prefer)? It was based on the novel of the same name by Chuck Palahniuk, but that’s not really important to this line of thought. There’s this moment when Brad Pitt turns to Edward Norton and explains the modern human condition, I’m going to paraphrase this a bit, only because I’m too lazy to dig out the book or the movie to make sure I get the quote right, but he says something like this: “We were raised to believe we would grow up to be Rock Stars and Movie Gods, and now we’re figuring out that that isn’t going to happen.” That’s a really true sentiment. I’m not old enough to have a mid life crisis, though in many ways I’m sure that’s exactly what I’m doing, and really, unless I plan to live till i’m 100 I’m not actually that far from the middle of my life and I feel like I haven’t accomplished all the things I want to, not by a long shot.
The question then becomes what to do about it. I mean I suppose I could grow some sideburns, buy a sports car and drive around like I was 19 again, but that doesn’t seem to work for me. I have sideburns already, I’ve had them for as long as I have been able to grow hair on my face. I can’t afford a sports car, and even if I could I wouldn’t be buying it to overcompensate for lost youth or shortcomings, but because I think it looks cool and is fun to drive. Maybe that’s what everyone says. I watched my dad do that, and it seemed to make him happy, he loved that car, but it still rings hollow somehow.
So “no” to plan A.
How about I take stock of my life and find out just where I am?
More on this tomorrow when i’m not late for getting to sleep.